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She was a beautiful woman and although we had just met, I felt we perhaps might forge a bond of friendship. She asked about my family and my life, so I told her about my wonderful son and I mentioned that I am divorced.

“Oh,” she said. “We fought for our marriage.”No-Shame

I wanted to say, “Good for you. So did I, but sometimes the battle is best won when you retreat and protect your troops.”

But I didn’t respond, nor did I wallow in the shame of that moment. We continued to talk and learned more about each other. I was certain that she meant no harm. She had no idea what bore holes her comment might have dug into my soul.

Many people unintentionally try to place shame on us when we’re divorced. But we don’t have to take that shame and we don’t have to live under that cloud of condemnation.

In fact, God reminds us in Romans 8:1, “Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air…” (The Message Bible).

We just have to remind ourselves that Christ took our shame at the cross, even before we were born. We can live as free people and no longer dwell on the past or live in a state of condemned regret. And since most people have no idea how we feel, we can learn to forgive them for comments that might hurt us.

The next time someone tries to shame you, just remind yourself that you are free and starting over single.

A strong wind is behind you, pushing you forward into joy and peace.

©2014 Starting Over Single

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