In her award-winning book of essays, “Notes from No Man’s Land,” Eula Biss includes a chapter about apologies. She describes in detail some of the more public apologies we have heard in the past years and the crimes or mistakes that led to those apologies.
Then she writes this sentence, “The most necessary apology is the apology for what we have done to ourselves.”
She may be right.
As women who are Starting Over Single, we often think back at what has happened to us. We may realize that we need to say, “I’m sorry” to our authentic selves.
We don’t need to wallow in self-pity or accept all the blame for the breakup of a marriage. In fact, many of us have been abandoned and the vows broken because someone else made that choice.
But perhaps we did not set boundaries in the marriage. Maybe we lived within a victim mentality and thought we deserved to be mistreated.
Perhaps we ignored the years of affairs or tolerated a porn habit that eventually led to emotional affairs and infidelity.
Maybe we didn’t think enough of ourselves and always took the back seat to his desires, his job, his choices.
Perhaps we let fear paralyze us and keep us from becoming our true selves or from reaching out to make positive changes in our lives.
Maybe we refused to take care of ourselves because we didn’t think we were worthy of care.
This is not the time to castigate ourselves, but perhaps it is time to just say, “I’m sorry, Self.” Then realize that a true apology implies that change will happen.
Let’s commit to owning up to our true and authentic selves – to become all we can be and never put ourselves down again.
George Eliot wrote, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
Just say you’re sorry and then move forward – to become the incredible woman God created you to be.
©2014 Starting Over Single