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The online dictionary defines “loneliness” as a sadness caused by lack of friends or lack of company.Loneliness - Aloneness

Sometimes, as women who are Starting Over Single, we DO feel that lack. The house is hopelessly quiet and we can almost hear the echo of our own voices crying out, “I’m lonely.”

When that happens, call someone – anyone. An elder or a deaconess at your church, a relative, a Facebook friend … anyone. We sometimes desperately need to talk to a human being.

But aloneness is a different type of solitude. It isn’t wrapped with desperation nor is it necessary to reach out to anyone.

Aloneness is actually a blessing. It’s the quiet of the house when everyone is gone so that you can concentrate.

It’s an hour to light a candle, suck on a piece of chocolate and luxuriate in a bubble bath.

It’s no one begging you for food or money, no one calling about the bills and no interruptions while you watch your favorite Netflix movie.

With loneliness – we reach out to someone else.

With aloneness – we dig deep within ourselves and nurture our souls.

With loneliness – we’re focused on our need.

In aloneness – we focus on who we are and rejoice in our personhood.

Some women never learn the beauty of aloneness, because they jump into a new relationship too soon. They’ve gone from their parents’ house, to a dorm room and straight into marriage without any alone time to discover who they really are.

After divorce knocks on the door, they have a problem learning how to be just one and embracing the beauty of aloneness.

So the next time you feel lonely, ask yourself: am I really needy or can I use this time to know myself better?

Is there something I would love to do – fill out a page in my journal, color my newest mandala with my new crayons, test a new recipe, finish that novel beside my bed….

Test your ability to be alone by doing something special for yourself. And when you finish that, ask yourself – what have I learned about me?

Do I like myself enough to spend time with me?

Do I know God loves me and he is here with me?

Then congratulate yourself – you have just learned to be alone – and survived it. Eventually, you will grow to like aloneness so much you won’t be afraid of it and you won’t confuse it with loneliness.

And that’s a good place to be.

When have you felt the blessing of aloneness?

©2015 Starting Over Single – http://amzn.to/1Rtta2x

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