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When we’re Starting Over Single, it takes a while to rediscover clarity and the brain power we need for major decisions.

number 1Just as with any grieving process, it’s important to give ourselves time. A safe guideline is to give ourselves at least one year before we make any major decisions. For example:

One year before we sell the house, unless the sale is part of the divorce settlement.

One year before we start thinking about dating again. A great resource is “Beyond Boundaries” by Dr. John Townsend. We need to learn how to trust again and stay away from toxic relationships.

Another great resource: “Safe People” by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

One year before we begin to clean out everything and trash all the stuff that brings up negative memories and emotions. Think about what the children might need to keep. Even though you may want to trash the wedding album, it might be important for your child’s healing to know that Mom and Dad once loved each other.

One year before we move to another state or country – moving depends on the divorce settlement and custody arrangements. Check all the legalities before you decide to run away.

One year before we look for a different job, unless we immediately need another job for survival.

Impulsive decisions will backfire on us.

The nightly news is filled with stories of women in trouble – women who jumped into new relationships too soon, women who didn’t learn from the first mistake, women who are afraid to be alone and so they settle.

Don’t be one of those women on the nightly news.

We need time to find our true selves again. Even if we lived in a happy marriage, we may have forgotten who we truly are. We need time to just be ourselves.

Jumping too soon into another relationship will increase our chances of another divorce. We need time to heal.

The only thing more painful than a divorce is another divorce.

Healthy women attract healthy men.

Action Points:

  • Circle the date on next year’s calendar that represents when the divorce was final. That is your target date.
  • Ask your accountability partner / your life coach to circle the same date on her calendar. Ask her to remind you often to follow the one year rule.
  • If people try to fix you up for dates, remind them of your one year rule. Keep the boundaries firm.
  • Follow the One Year Rule.

Okay – I know we’ve repeated that several times, but it is so important. Most of us think we’re healthier than we really are. We think we can make major decisions and move forward more quickly than we should.

One more time – Follow the One Year Rule.

©2016 Starting Over Single