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When we go through divorce, we sometimes face the ugly emotion of shame.Brene Brown quote - brave

We feel it inside our souls and convince ourselves it’s just one of the consequences and we have to put up with it.

Or we accept and internalize what someone says to us. Often, those remarks are actually lies.

Sometimes the actions of others underscore the fact that they are shaming us. We may lose a friendship. A church may kick us out of a leadership position. Neighbors may not let their children play at our house.

Yet shame is not something we need to accept. In fact, many of us should actually be proud of ourselves that we had enough courage to get out of an unhealthy relationship.

So how do we deal with shame? How do we face up to it and conquer what it tries to do to our souls?

Author and research scientist, Dr. Brene Brown writes, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.”

When we truly love ourselves and accept ourselves, shame has no way of planting its ugliness in our souls.

But many of us have lived our entire lives accepting the shame others placed on us, imagined for us or spoken against us.

We do NOT have to accept anyone’s opinion of us. We are NOT responsible for how others think.

So how do we begin this process of learning to love ourselves and detach from the shame?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself.

  • Are you a creative soul? What do you like about being creative?
  • What are the things that make you unique – a one-of-a-kind woman?
  • What do you like about your physical body? Come on now. Don’t shame your own body.
  • What do you like about your voice? Your laugh? Your smile?
  • Do you have a good sense of humor? How does that humor help you deal with life?
  • What gives you joy? Did you know you give God joy?

After you finish your list, ask your best friend what she loves about you. Are your two lists similar? Do you see yourself as you really are?

Begin thanking God for all the things you love about yourself. Yes, he wants you to love yourself. In fact, he tells us to “Love others AS we love ourselves.”

If we don’t love ourselves, then we can’t truly love others.

So…share something you love about yourself. Dare to love yourself and diminish the shame.

I’ll start – one of the things I love about myself is how words pour out of me whether I’m writing or speaking or teaching a workshop.

Your turn …. What do you love about yourself?

©2016 Starting Over Single

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