, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Letter AHave you read any of Sue Grafton’s novels, featuring private investigator Kinsey Millhone? If so, then you know Grafton uses the alphabet to create unique titles.

We’re going to use the same system on this blog and each week, we’ll feature some encouragements using a particular letter of the alphabet.

So let’s begin with the obvious – the letter “A.” What are some of the important “A” issues we’ll face as we’re Starting Over Single?


One of the benefits of Starting Over Single is that we begin to find our true selves – the authentic soul we were born with and the giftings God has granted us.

For many of us, we’ve been covered up by the “wasband’s” issues and/or addictions and we’ve lost ourselves.

But now, we’re starting to find ourselves again. This is the time to ask the important questions:

  • Who do I really want to be?
  • What do I really want out of life?
  • How can I march forward to become the real me?

As we work through these questions, journal through the process and maybe ask for some help from a life coach, we will begin to find our true, authentic selves.

This is such a good place to be! For the first time in a long time, we may feel more fulfilled simply because we’ve found ourselves again.

By the way, if you’re looking for a life coach, contact me at rebeccat@gwhope.org. I can Skype with you, talk by phone – or if you’re in the Kansas City metro – we can meet in person.


Although this quality is one of the stages of grief, it’s also an important step to take in our growth.

Once we begin to accept ourselves as single women, we’ll be happier within that status. We won’t be searching for any type of relationship just because we’re afraid to be alone.

We’ll accept ourselves and our situation which will move us toward the place of wholeness – and we’ll react better to a sense of what reality now holds for us.

We won’t be searching for a financial escape – remember: a man is NOT a financial plan.

And we won’t be looking for something to comfort us. Move over Rocky Road Ice Cream.

Instead, we will accept that divorce is part of our journey, but in the process – we have become better – more of our true selves. Back to our authentic selves.


Throughout this Starting Over Single journey, we’ve learned to adapt.

We now know how to manage a budget, how to parent alone, how to begin the process of forgiveness, how to check the air in our vehicle’s tires and how to deal with holidays alone.

All of this adaptability has made us stronger and wiser. We have now evolved into better versions of ourselves and much healthier women than we were before.

We have learned how to journal and process through grief.

We may have moved to a new location, so we’ve adapted to a new environment.

We have envisioned a new life, put together a plan and moved toward new goals.

With all this adaptability, we are now more aware of what we really want out of life and how we can best use our talents to help others.


It’s amazing how much more alert we are now. We have become more aware of our emotions and of the triggers that once kept us emotionally sick.

We can recognize people who are NOT safe, especially the men who know how to deceive and manipulate us.

If you’d like a great resource for becoming more aware, check out “The Attractive Trap by Teresa G. Carey. Attractive Trap

Because we are more aware now, we can recognize when our children need a specific type of attention – something that helps them also grow and adapt to this new situation, attention that fits in with their love languages.

We are more aware of our own weaknesses which might lead us into the boomerang effect – the danger of circling back into another toxic relationship.

Awareness will lead us to make choices, and healthy choices will lead us to an abundant future.


Living an abundant life is the goal as we move past the tragedy of divorce, find ourselves in a stronger place and live out of our core values.

Jesus promised, “My purpose is to give you the abundant life – life in all its fullness” (John 10:10 TLB).

Life in all its fullness – a life with meaning and significance – a life that isn’t burdened with addictive behaviors, stresses based on someone else’s unhealthy choices or the apathy that keeps people from moving forward.

The abundant life produces joy because we can focus on positive blessings instead of the negative gunk we once lived with.

Abundance might show itself in financial prosperity, good health and a bounce in our step. We feel better because we’re not living under those old burdens, so we’re lighter and happier.

Then abundance begins to reproduce itself so we give off joy and receive joy. Others respond to us with smiles, with encouragement, with practical help – because now we can also give back.

We may discover an abundance of friends who want to help us. We may find an abundance of creative energy that results in a new hobby, a small business enterprise and even more financial abundance.

Our children will see the difference in us which brings an abundance of happiness in the family, more hugs, more squeals of laughter – all blessings.

Living within the abundant life is the pinnacle of this mountain we’re climbing. Once we’ve reached that place of joy, nothing can knock us off the summit.

So what about you? How are you living an authentic life, a more abundant life? Have you learned to accept this new season you’re living in as you’ve adapted to the changes around you? Are you more aware of the many blessings you have?

Or do you have another “A” word that describes how you’re Starting Over Single?

©2016 Starting Over Single