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As we continue this series, we’re searching for words that become healthy goals while Starting Over Single. Let’s look at the letter “C.”


Depending on where you are on the spectrum of Starting Over Single, confidence is a major component of your new life.

When we first sign the divorce papers, stand in front of a judge or pour out our struggle in a counselor’s office, we may feel anything but confident.

But with time and some gut-wrenching decisions, we can move through the fears and struggles into a place of confident living.

Confidence helps us realize we can do many things that once seemed completely out of our comfort zones.

We may have learned how to:

  • Change a tire on the car or change the oil
  • Balance the budget
  • Juggle a couple of jobs with the task of parenting alone
  • Counsel our children
  • Set more healthy boundaries

And we may have learned a number of new tasks we never had to do before the divorce. All these accomplishments help us become more confident.

With the help of a coach or a counselor, we are now more confident about our identities. We aren’t tied to the identity of another person who may have squelched our talents and giftings.

We now approach life with a sense of purpose, feeling more fulfilled and confident than ever before.


In the early stages of divorce, it may be difficult to focus.

Our lives seem consumed by reams of paperwork and hours of meetings with lawyers, counselors and school officials. It’s overwhelming just to make a to-do list because it keeps growing.

But as we work through some of the side effects of divorce, we can begin to grow clarity about where we want to go in life.

We re-discover our identities, determine our core values and how we can implement them into our new lives.

We decide exactly which color we want to paint the bedroom and what kind of art we want on the walls.

We may decide to go back to school and work on that degree we never had time for, or we may now feel the urgency to try a new career field – something that is more satisfying.

As we move into this new normal, we have more clarity in the direction we want to go. With plenty of prayer and the advice of wise friends, we may move to another area of the country and completely start over.

But with an increase of clarity, we make wiser decisions and step forward with confidence that we’re going in the right direction – more focused and bolder than before.


Life will always present challenges.

Jesus reminded us, “Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 TLB).

Although some things may be a bit easier than before, we know challenges will indeed surface.

But one of the things we have learned is that we DO have the resources and the inner strength to face those challenges.

And every time we make it through another struggle, we grow a bit stronger, a bit more confident.

We learn how to make decisions by focusing on our priorities and core values.

We know the final solution to a challenge isn’t always a happy ending, but we can find satisfaction within our souls, knowing we made the attempt.

We teach our children to struggle through the hard stuff in life rather than looking for the easy rut that leads to laziness and apathy.

Facing our challenges and working through them makes us healthier women. And healthy attracts healthy so our new relationships build on our confidence and clarity.


It’s no fun to live in a state of discontent – where we constantly doubt ourselves and can’t figure out how to move forward.

Some of us have lived a long time in that land of discontent.

But now we’re more confident and we have more clarity about the direction we want to go.

Now we know we can face any number of difficult challenges because we’ve made it through the hell-hole of divorce with all its side effects.

So now, we are experiencing more of the contentment of our new normal. We feel more peaceful, more satisfied with life and more hopeful for the future.

Contentment is a place of serenity, a world of balance that feels like home.

We were made to live in this restful place, to trust God with our challenges and to thank him for his powerful presence in our lives.

This place of contentment is quality life, enjoying every day and looking forward to more growth in the future.

Living a contented life helps us smile more and live healthier lives in every respect – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

We’ve finally reached that stage of holistic healing.

So what about you? Are you feeling more confident these days? Do you have more clarity about the direction you’re going and facing any challenges with courage and strength? Is contentment one of the goals you’ve reached?

Share with the rest of us any thoughts you have about these “C” words.

©2016 Starting Over Single