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Have you struggled with self-doubt in making decisions?Letter D

As single women, we are forced to make many important decisions:

  • Where will I live? What’s the best school district for the kids?
  • Should I sell the divorce house?
  • Should I go back to school or continue in my current career?
  • It’s time for a new car. Which dealership should I visit?
  • Should I enroll in a budgeting plan or just continue to save pennies and clip coupons?



Each time we are forced to make a decision, we learn a bit more about ourselves. We gain confidence in our decision-making ability. Maybe – for the first time in many years – we realize we CAN make good decisions. We CAN logically consider all the pros and cons, make a choice and live with it.

Of course, some decisions may turn out a bit sour. But that’s okay, too. Each time we make a mistake, we learn something about ourselves and about the decision-making process.

One of the things I learned while making life-changing decisions was the number of times in the past that I settled. I may have chosen the cheaper outfit just to save money when reality taught me that buying the best would help it last longer.

Admittedly, I have settled for cars that I didn’t REALLY want, a house I didn’t love, even a career I needed but hated.

Each time I settled, I promised myself I would learn from it. And I have. My new mantra when making decisions is “NEVER SETTLE AGAIN.”


Years ago, I heard Dr. James Dobson on the radio proclaim, “Single moms are the most determined, tenacious people on the planet.”

It was a positive statement about the determination we exhibit in raising our children, saving ourselves from betrayal and abuse, clipping coupons to make the budget and a host of other issues we face.

It is determination that sees us through the mess with lawyers, the waiting for the “wasband” to pay his child support and if necessary – take him to court.

It is determination that becomes a gut-strengthening fight to the finish as we protect our children, fight for our rights, do what we have to do to survive and keep going – day after day.

And it is determination that will strengthen us as we move into this season of Starting Over Single.


When we’re Starting Over Single, it can be difficult to even think of dreaming again. After all, our big dream of the “happily-ever-after” died with the divorce papers.

But it is important to continue in hope, to stir up the embers of our dreams again, to believe that since we are starting over – dreams can indeed materialize.

One of the tools I use is the vision journal. In this particular journal, I list my dreams for the future. Some are long-term. Some are set up more for a shorter period of time.

For example:

  • I have journaled about the type of house I want – when I can afford my dream home. Like many of you, I had to sell the divorce house, but that’s okay. It was necessary at the time. Now, I have a better idea of the type of place I want – even the color for the exterior and the open layout that will give me joy.
  • As a writer, I hold goals and dreams about the books I want to publish. One of my goals is to sign a movie contract for my Reverend G trilogy. Another goal is a national book tour where I can speak about my passions, sign my books and meet lots of women.
  • Another dream is for my son to be healthy and living out of his passions. He is a musician, but reality keeps him working in jobs that aren’t focused on music. I would love to see him involved in a worship band and being able to live out of his creativity.

These are just some of my dreams. Share some of yours in the Comments section.


Our destinies sometimes evolve out of our dreams. God has a good plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) and he knows exactly how to make that plan come to pass.

We may have to wait a while – dream a bit – trust him with our entire heart and being…but at some point, he will present us with that good plan.

Your destiny will include your spiritual giftings, but also the desires he has placed in your heart. It is a unique plan, designed for you before the world was created – long before you were even born.

Check out Ephesians 2:10 and start believing all over again for that special destiny you were born to grasp.

Remember the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis? He dreamed about the big plans God had designed for him, then one day – they came to pass. He struggled through some hard times – just as we have – but he came out of it determined to live as God wanted him to.

And God rewarded him in ways he never imagined.

So hang on to your dreams and believe in the beautiful destiny God has for you. You’re Starting Over Single and on your way to being who God created you to be.

©2016 Starting Over Single