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As we continue our alphabet series, let’s look at the meaty letter of “N.” Lots of possibilities here, but we’ll choose only three key words.letter-n


The journey through divorce and the post-divorce decisions force us to ask the question, “What is really essential in my life? What activities are necessary for this new season and what can I delete?”

Some of the once-necessary activities no longer exist. We don’t need to buy Christmas gifts or make birthday cakes for the “wasband.” We don’t need to have that heavy talk about the budget because we now make all the financial decisions.

So what are the necessities we can now focus on? Certainly, if we have children – their needs become the focus of many decisions.

But we also have to think about ourselves and set the healthy boundaries that will help us thrive. Necessities include work, paying bills and fixing meals. But think deeper about the necessities for your soul.

  • Sleeping at least eight hours each night
  • Some form of exercise that you enjoy so you won’t procrastinate
  • Taking an artist date to rekindle that creativity within
  • Spending quality time with yourself – what do you really WANT to do? Yes, that IS a necessity.
  • Finding a support group

One of my coaching clients knows she must surround herself with beauty. So when she moved into the post-divorce house, she hired a designer to help her place everything in the best space. Just that one action gave her hope and helped her return home after a hard day – to find her place of beauty.

Save some money for your own time away. Where do you want to go? A quiet retreat in the mountains or maybe an Italian cuisine tour.

The dream of your heart isn’t just a dream and a wish. It is also a necessity – to help you move forward with joy and find your new normal.

New Normal

Defining your new normal may include a redesign of your core values. What are the values that are most important to you – absolutely vital for this new season of life?

You have learned a great deal and the old core has changed. For example: one of your core values might have been to nurture a happy marriage. Now, you’ll be nurturing yourself as a single woman and finding the best self you can be.

My coaching clients work through a core values assessment and most of them discover that a-ha moment when their new identity begins to surface. Then we craft a mission statement which becomes the focus for their new lives.

Finding your new normal and the creative way you now define yourself will become a goal-setter for you. It will also keep you from making poor decisions because everything will revolve around your new core values. By its design, you’ll have a new set of healthy boundaries.

Next Steps

Keep looking forward and avoid those backward statements such as “I should have….” That sort of belief only leads us into regret and false guilt.

This is the time to make some short-term goals and maybe even some long-term plans. Think about those necessities we discussed and your new normal.

What are the next steps to lead you toward your goals? Do you need to find a life coach to help you stay accountable? Do you need a vision board or a vision journal to help picture visually what you want?

Is this the time to start a new savings account or redefine your budget so you’ll have that dream vacation in the spring?

Now that your necessities have changed, you’ll be saving some money. Find the best method for you to put away a few dollars a week. You’ll be surprised and blessed at the end of the year.

Maybe this is the time for those next steps toward losing the divorce weight or gaining back the pounds you lost. Put together a plan for the exercise process you like best.

Gandhi said, “You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.”

So take those next steps and move forward to make your new normal a beautiful season.

©2016  Starting Over Single