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letter-pThe letter “P” has so many possibilities for our Starting Over Single series, it’s difficult to choose just a few words. But let’s start with one of the most important concepts we can learn in life.


I will admit, this is one of the lessons I am constantly having to learn – to wait, to let the seasons of life and the benefits of wisdom catch up to me – to learn how to be patient.

But I can see some growth in my soul, and I’m sure you have learned some lessons about patience, too.

The process of going through divorce requires patience as we wait for paperwork to be completed, phone calls to be returned, legal matters solved, household goods divided and sold, custody agreements to be resolved.

If we try to rush any of these things, we may lose the advantage or even some of the financial benefits we need.

It’s better to stop, breathe and wait for the process to happen.

Another way to learn patience is to not rush through recovery. I tried to recover too fast and bought a house too soon. I needed to wait for the right property and a lower interest rate, but I was ready to move forward.

A bit more patience would have resulted in a better deal.

Sometimes we also want to rush the grieving process. We say, “I should be over him by now. It’s been two years, and I still have nightmares.”

Or “I should have recovered by this time. I still cry on the anniversary date.”

Shoulding ourselves never works out well. We can gift ourselves with patience – however much time that requires – to totally heal and to completely recover.

Patience is a virtue – one of the most important core values we can own. So let’s be patient with the process and give ourselves grace as we move forward.


We’re looking at this word differently now, because someone who promised us the happily-ever-after life did not keep his promise.

But let’s not dwell on the past or on the negatives of yesterday. Let’s look forward and think about the promise of today and tomorrow.

When God makes promises, he always keeps them. “Do not fear, for you will not be put to shame, and do not feel humiliated or ashamed, for you will not be disgraced. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and you will no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood” (Isaiah 54:4 Amplified Bible).

Any shame you have felt because of the divorce is already covered and done – because God has made a promise to you.

Any humiliation someone tried to pin on you is a lie. Anybody who said something ugly to you because you’re now a single mom – that person is toxic. Delete him or her from your life. Set healthy boundaries around your heart.

As you draw closer to God while you’re Starting Over Single, you’ll probably discover some personal promises he has designed especially for you.

God promised that he would meet every need for my son and me, and he has done that. Every. Single. Need.

He promises that he has a good plan for our lives. That good plan has not disappeared, and someday you’ll see it become reality.   woman-worship

Another promise he makes, still in Isaiah 54, is that he will take care of your children. “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace” (Isaiah 54:13).

We worry about our children and how they will deal with the divorce, but anyone who tries to pin humiliation on your children is not living in the grace of God.

Yes, our children will have to work through the emotions and the fallout, but they can emerge stronger and better because they’ve had to trust you and God to help them through it.

Hold God to the promises he has made to you. He keeps them – always.


The journey of Starting Over Single teaches us about the power we have to become the women God created us to be.

We can make wiser choices than ever before and watch the side effects of divorce disappear. Every time we use our money wisely – saving, investing and culling out what is unnecessary – it gives us power for the future.

When we go back to school or start our own business or move away from toxic relationships, we gain more power over our tomorrows.

As we journey through the forgiveness process – which may take a lifetime – we learn more about the power of grace and the compassion of Christ.

As we change and grow, we become more empowered to be who we were made to be. We step into our new identity and enjoy being with ourselves. Living alone is no longer scary but proof that we CAN do this single life and do it well.

Single women are becoming a force in our world, a corps of powerful women who use their giftings to help the poor, save animals, raise the next generation and run for political office at all levels.

We are becoming pastors and politicians, mothers and grandmothers, mentors and disciplers, coaches and counselors. We are no longer just defined as a “wife” and we are certainly not going to EVER live under the shadow of being a “victim.”

So enjoy your newfound power and use it for the good. Then share with the rest of us…what have you learned about patience, promise and power?

©2016 Starting Over Single