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It’s always a challenge to find words that begin with Q but we did it!letter-q


This word conjures up so many possibilities. Now that we are Starting Over Single, the quality of life has changed – in many ways – for the better.

We are no longer living within manipulative behaviors and the fear that attaches like a manacle. Our quality of life has improved and now we are moving forward with joy.

Once we’ve moved through the crisis, the quality of health will also improve. We won’t gain or lose weight as a result of divorce stress. Now we can focus on good nutrition, better habits and eating real food instead of dead food.

Quality also plays in with the stuff of life. In the before divorce life, we may have surrounded ourselves with stuff, trying to comfort that place inside that hurt so deeply.

Now we can declutter and remove anything connected to the painful past. This is the time to go through every room, every drawer, every closet. Whatever you find that does NOT give you joy, either give it away or throw it away.

Surround yourself with quality stuff that energizes you and pleases you. The dishware you want for this new life, the colors you want to decorate your new space, the jewelry that represents you.

Fill your Starting Over Single life with quality and enjoy the emotional freedom of just being you.


If you’re still raising little ones, your quiet time is limited and you have to set firm boundaries just to find some alone time.

But if you’ve finished raising kids, now is a precious time for solitude and quiet. This is the season to sit down with your journal, a steaming cup of your favorite beverage and your favorite pen. Write, reflect and learn.

Go to the library and check out books you’ve been longing to read. Fill your mind with quality words and phrases. Learn from the experts. Discover other strong women through biographies.

Spend quiet time with your Bible. Journal your prayers or write letters to God.

This may also be the time for you to continue the grieving process. Grieving in a healthy way will help to unload any baggage or leftover pain.

And use your quiet time to listen carefully for that inner voice, the divine whisper who will guide you in new directions.

The prophet Isaiah said it best, “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).

So enjoy this quiet time. Turn off the electronics and rediscover the beauty of solitude. Love being alone with God and find your strength within the quiet place.


The process of Starting Over Single brings several realistic questions:

  • Who am I now?
  • What should I do with my life now?
  • How can I best use this time of being single?

Other questions might reverberate around the issues of where to live, how to manage finances alone and how to deal with holiday stress.

But the bigger questions revolve around identity – who we are and what our new focus should be.

For my SOS coaching clients, we work through a core values assessment. We ask the hard questions and dig deep to find the top five core values for this season in life.

Then we dig even deeper and discover the one umbrella core value that covers our lives and our direction. Everything else is covered by that one specific value and all our future decisions will need to be in sync with our five core values.

This is such a wonderful a-ha exercise, I wish I could share it with the entire world of women. But it’s also a highly personal assessment. Sometimes we discover our true selves have been hidden for years underneath the heavy blanket of a destructive relationship.

So we work through that grief process, too, and leave the past behind. We move toward our new identities and discover the wonderfully unique women God has created us to be.

If you’d like to consider going through this assessment with a certified coach, contact me at GateWay of Hope or email me at rebeccat@gwhope.org.

In the meantime, check out these resources that can help you find your new identity:

The Search for Significance” by Robert S. McGee

Excavating Your Authentic Self” by Sarah Ban Breathnach

The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown

As you answer the questions that stir deeply in your soul, you will discover the quality of your new self. And in the quiet place, you will know God has never ever stopped loving you.

©2016  Starting Over Single