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As we continue our series into the Starting Over Single words, we’ll find several affirmations from the alphabet letter H.
We could begin and end every post with Hope, because the concept of having hope is so vital to our survival – we need it every day.
At the beginning of the divorce process, life feels so hopeless. But as we begin to move forward, to find our way to a new normal – we begin to feel the stirrings of renewed hope.
One of the action steps I like to give my SOS women is to ask them to find an inspiration piece – something visual that will help them feel as if hope is a reality.
Some choices might be:
- A picture of a new car
- The new bedding they will use after the betraying “wasband” moves out
- A colorful vase for the living room
- A vision journal to record plans for the future
- The receipt for the wedding bands they sold which will now help pay off lawyer fees
The choices are as unique as the women themselves, and finding an inspiration piece instills hope that tomorrow WILL look better than today.
In the midst of so much pain and upheaval, it may feel almost sacrilegious to laugh. But we know laughter is a healing exercise.
I splurged on the tickets so my son and I could attend the performance of a well-known comedian. Later, my son bought the DVD of that performance for my Christmas present. My son knew the value of that evening of laughter.
Borrow a funny DVD from the library or make one night a week as “Comic Night.” Share jokes with your children.
Look for reruns of the Lucy show or Carol Burnett. Spend time with people who make you laugh.
Force yourself to smile. Really – you’ll feel better. And if you can force a laugh – the process of using those muscles will release some healthy endorphins.
Do an internet search for giggling babies. Here’s a good one with babies and dogs.
The more we learn to laugh and find the joy in life, the healthier we will be.
It may feel as if humility is not a helpful topic, because divorce has its humiliating side effects. But this type of humility is actually a strength.
Positive humility learns to accept gifts, money and kindness from others. Some of us have never been on the receiving end before. We’ve always been the givers.
But as we learn to receive, we become part of the important loop of society that makes charity a good word.
And our resolve is strengthened so that we will someday give back to another woman who is Starting Over Single.
In fact, at GateWay of Hope, we have a scholarship fund for women who need coaching but cannot pay for it. Many of the donors for that fund are women who once had to receive money from others. Now they have recovered, so they’re giving back.
Humility says, “I don’t deserve this, but I accept it with thanksgiving. Gratitude will be my mantra and a pure heart will allow me to take this gift, this money, this charity and grow it into something good.”
More than ever before, we now appreciate our hearts.
Many of us have had to set difficult boundaries to protect our hearts. We’ve learned how our hearts react when damaged by betrayal, so now we’re determined to preserve what we have learned.
We have experienced broken hearts and yes – a broken heart can be a real physical ailment.
But we’re not staying in that wounded place any longer. We’re moving forward, strengthened in the power of God’s might.
Now our hearts are braver, more resilient and able to increase with love for others.
As we learn more about our hearts, we will also learn how to trust again. We won’t shift blame on another man just because the man we chose decided to abandon us.
Every human being is different, and we’re all recipients of grace.
As our hearts mend, we’ll find the places that strengthen us and focus on how we can fit our lives within that stronger, more authentic place.
Steve Maraboli writes, “It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.”
So as our hearts mend, we become filled with more love and compassion which we can pass on to others and do good in our world.
The whole purpose of this blog is to help women who are Starting Over Single find their place of healing and wholeness.
As we move through the process of healing, we develop calluses around our wounds and new wisdom for any future woundings life might throw at us.
The healing we grow into then becomes part of who we are.
Many of us will be more authentic than ever before because we’ve discovered the source of our souls – the truth about our identities.
We’ve been living under someone else’s shadow for so long, we forgot our own dreams, our hopes and the visions we once embraced.
But now – gloriously now – we are moving into the healing place. We know WHO we are and we are certain about the direction we want to take.
God has opened up new vistas for our lives which don’t require us to live in the shadows any longer.
We are stronger, healthier, better than ever before.
As I often tell women, “Being single is harder in many ways, but it can also be much better.”
So hang on to the “H” words:
- Look for the Hope that marches right in front of you.
- Find the Humor in life and practice laughing.
- Embrace Humility as a quality that will strengthen you.
- Protect your Heart by setting healthy boundaries.
- Find your place of Healing and revel in who you are.
What about you? Any other “H” words you’ve found helpful?
©2016 Starting Over Single