accountability partners, being motivated, benefits of solitude, budgeting tips, chai tea, divorce, downsizing, emotional rest, fasting, financial planners, GateWay of Hope, hope, life coaching, moving forward with intentionality, Sabbaticals, single women, starting over single, taking a mini-retreat
Marching ahead with our alphabet series, let’s look at the letter “M.”
No lazy attitudes allowed for women who are Starting Over Single. That doesn’t mean we can’t relax and have fun, sit and drink a hot cup of chai tea or watch a Hallmark movie – one of the especially sappy ones.
It just means we are more motivated than ever before to achieve what we need to achieve, to accomplish tasks and to move toward our dreams.
It means we believe in taking action to approach our goals and we’re not going to let anyone stop us from acquiring the desires of our hearts.
Some of our motivation stems from the reality of survival skills. Some of it comes from a deep well that is now flowing in a healthy direction – because we don’t have an abusive relationship to stomp on us.
Some motivation flows from healthy accountability partners or a life coach who keeps us clued in to the plans we’ve made.
Most of the time, we’re motivated because we want to be. We enjoy being the Number One Sales Person at work. Or we’ve tasted what it feels like to hold our published books and we want to write another one.
Or we keep thinking about that sweet child we tuck into bed each night. We want to be a good role model for that sticky-with-pancake-syrup boy and that giggly little girl.
We are more motivated than ever before because that’s what Starting Over Single will do for us.
We’re forgetting the past and looking forward to the best future ever.
One of the reasons we may be motivated is because we understand more of the value of money.
We have learned how to budget wisely and we’re saving for that next car, the deposit on a better apartment or even the down payment on a house.
We’re also much smarter now in distinguishing what we need from what we want. We know a bunch of stuff won’t make us happy and we’ve already downsized to a smaller, more economical place.
We’re also saving for the kids’ college funds, because we can’t depend on the “wasband” and whatever child support he might decide to pay.
Thinking about money may put us in danger of living in the past and bringing up regrets such as:
- Why oh why didn’t I push forward and finish that graduate degree?
- Why did I believe that wives have to keep joint accounts with their husbands?
- Why didn’t I start saving a long time ago?
- Why did I buy all this junk? If I had all that money back, I’d have a nice bundle of money.
- Why did I overbuy on this house? Now I’m house poor and I can’t sell the thing.
- Why didn’t I see the financial abuse coming and prepare better for it?
- Why can’t I seem to get out of this financial hole?
Living in the past and fuming about regrets won’t help. If you find yourself in this self-blame frame of mind, go visit a CPA. Talk to a financial planner. Take a class on budgeting. Look for an accountability partner.
Start now to learn more about how to manage your money and remember – you’re smarter than you think and you CAN get out of this hole. Many of us have done it before you.
Statistics prove that women are better with money than men. I believe in you.
It may seem impossible but a mini-retreat is an absolute necessity when we’re Starting Over Single.
You may need a retreat as you’re finishing with the final papers – just to gather your courage for the final push of finalizing the divorce.
Or several months into the post-divorce journey, you may need to get away and be refreshed for this season of living alone.
Whatever you want to call it – a mini-retreat, a Sabbatical, an emotional getaway – whatever…plan for it, set a date and then do it.
You’ve been through an enormous transition in life. You’ve dealt with some past baggage and let lots of dreams go.
You’ve haggled with the legal system, talked to a mediator, arranged for custody and maintenance, reworked your budget, moved, set up your household in a different place, said goodbye to some friends and possibly your church, redesigned your dreams and now … you’re reinventing yourself.
Sheesh! Anybody who goes through that sort of change needs a break.
If possible, go somewhere completely rejuvenating such as a spa, a resort, a quiet place in the mountains, a sandy beach or wherever you feel most peaceful.
Maybe you just need to check into a hotel for a while. But determine that you’re not going anywhere you have to deal with any sort of crisis.
You might even take a Sabbatical from electronics and only take emergency calls.
During your mini-retreat, journal about your thoughts. Pray. Meditate. Read the Bible or take along a good book. Sleep in. Eat nutritious food but allow yourself an occasional treat. Drink lots of water. Or you may want to fast from all food for a couple of days.
The idea is to get away from the source of the stress to spend time in contemplation and quiet. Solitude is a great healer and all of us need it from time to time.
So take a mini-retreat. If you have children, enlist the help of family and/or friends. It won’t hurt your kids if Mom takes a break.
You’ll be renewed and you may come back with the goal of taking a mini-retreat every few months. It’s good for the soul and will help you move into a new level of healing.
So … where are you planning to go?
©2016 Starting Over Single – Taking Steps Forward to Live Intentionally