children of divorce, Disney Dad, divorce, divorced women, Dr. Henry Cloud, faith, God, gratitude, healthy relationships, holidays as a single person, journaling, Never go back, reflecting on the past, relationships, resolutions for life, RJ Thesman, single women, starting over single, Thanksgiving, toxic relationships
As we continue our alphabet series, let’s look at some of the “R” words that affirm our Starting Over Single status.
Especially as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, this is a time for reflection. Perhaps you’re thinking about Thanksgivings of the past and how you enjoyed fixing a big meal, decorating with pumpkins or sharing with grateful hearts around the table.
Your Thanksgiving holiday may look different this year. The in-laws are no longer in the picture and even the visual of past years may bring fresh grief.
Your children may be spending Thanksgiving with the “wasband,” so what’s the point of fixing a big meal just for yourself?
This is the time to reflect. Yes, be grateful for past Thanksgivings and all the blessings you have enjoyed. But don’t get stuck in memories.
Think about all the things you are grateful for now:
- You’ve made it through another year
- The Thanksgiving colors are beautiful and hopefully – your vision is clear and you can see the trees with their magnificent leaves
- Wherever you are in the process, you’re farther along now than you were last year at this time
- You can pick and choose exactly what you want to wear, what you want to eat and how you want to spend each day
- What else are you grateful for?
Another type of reflection is to consider how you will move forward. Can you help another woman going through this journey? You now have experience and you know what has worked for you. Pass it on!
As we are Starting Over Single, we have a new appreciation for relationships. We know about the toxic ones and we’ve learned a few things about how to avoid them.
A great resource is “Never Go Back” by Dr. Henry Cloud. This book describes 10 things we never want to do again, including getting involved in unhealthy relationships.
You have probably learned about the people you can trust and who are your true friends. Most of us lose a couple of friendships along the journey – former friends who no longer want to associate with someone going through a divorce.
But we’ve also begun to treasure even more the relationships that last – no matter what we’re struggling with. These are the people God has given us to encourage us and sometimes – these are the people who will meet practical needs.
If you have children, this journey will bond you together like nothing else in life. Although you will have struggles and each day is a new adventure, when you look back from the vantage point of time – you will see how precious and strong the relationship is with your children.
It is a proven fact that children will be angrier with the mother than with the father. They will act out in ways against you that they will not do with Disney Dad.
This is because they know deep in their little hearts Mommy will always and forever love them. So it is safe to be angry, to be honest and to test the waters of relationship with you.
That makes it tough, especially with little boys who have a harder struggle with change. But once you make it through those first years of post-divorce, setting healthy boundaries and always assuring your children of your love for them – that bond will be amazingly strong.
I look at my grown son now and I am so grateful for our relationship. We have moved into the friendship phase, and we can talk about any subject with honesty and respect for our differences. He is an amazing young man.
Your children will also survive and give you joy in the coming years.
Another relationship is a treasure and that is the divine One. God will never leave you and never abandon you. He is always present. You’ve probably experienced an even closer relationship with him than ever before – a rich treasure of knowing him and relying on him that other people can’t even begin to fathom.
So hang on to the relationships that count, to the ones you can depend on and be grateful God has placed these people in your life.
We often think of resolutions for the new year, but I like to consider how we can resolve to move forward.
I resolve to most past any bitterness of what was done to me and find joy in total forgiveness.
I resolve to help as many women as possible when they are Starting Over Single.
I resolve to make this new year even better than the next by doing my part to grow and succeed.
I resolve to embrace healthy relationships and not shut myself off from others just because some people have been cruel to me.
I resolve to live by my core values and set healthy boundaries around what I will do and what I will accept into my life.
I resolve to work at my craft of writing so my words are a blessing to others.
I resolve to continue as a life-long learner so my coaching clients will experience the success of reaching their goals.
I resolve to eat healthy, think good thoughts and take care of my soul. Total health involves body, soul and spirit.
What about you? Any special resolutions you can think of? Make a list and journal through them, reflecting on what is truly important to you. Then embrace this Thanksgiving season with a heart full of gratitude.
©2016 Starting Over Single