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We’re moving toward the end of the alphabet with our series for Starting Over Single. Let’s look at some important “T” words.
Now that several months – even years – have passed since we started this journey, we can look back and think about truth.
For many of us, the truth was skewed in several ways: through spiritual abuse – twisting the Bible to say something it was never intended to say or spiritual authorities telling us we HAD to stay with an abuser.
Your truth may have been twisted by a manipulating spouse who tried to make you feel as if everything was your fault.
Sometimes we need to examine the truth for our own growth. What were some ways you and I could have made the situation better? Did we live in denial for several years, refusing to see the truth because it was too painful?
One of my clients lists “Truth” as her top core value. She now focuses her entire life around the topic of truth and she refuses to associate with anyone who will not live in truth. She wants the rest of her life – going forward – to reflect what is true and what brings her integrity.
Looking back, maybe you can see some of your personal scenario wrapped in exaggeration or even a lie. This is the time to examine your heart and make sure you are telling the truth – to yourself and to others.
It is harder to tell ourselves the truth. When I realized my entire marriage was a lie, that truth emotionally set me back for a while. But it also helped move me into a new level of healing.
So examine your own truths and remember one truth that will never falter: God loves you and has a good plan for your life. He will NEVER abandon you or reject you.
This seems like a rather old-fashioned word, but it can have a special meaning to women who are Starting Over Single.
Some of the synonyms for tranquility include: calm, peacefulness, serenity, harmony and composure.
One of the ways you can surround yourself with tranquility is to downsize and declutter. Many of us must downsize when we sell the divorce house, and at first – it may seem difficult and bring to mind painful memories.
But after a time, we can see the value of starting over, getting rid of anything that causes pain and having the freedom to make our own choices.
Give away the wedding china and find some dishes you like. Trade in the bed of betrayal for a new bedroom suite – something that gives you special joy. Sell or pawn the wedding band and buy yourself some new bling.
Surround yourself with essential oils such as lavender that help you sleep and feel more tranquil. Redecorate in calming colors and get rid of trashy dead plants. Pack away the wedding album so your children can have it someday, but refuse to allow yourself sad thoughts about that day. Give your wedding dress to a school drama club or sell it for consignment and use the money to bless a single mom.
Whenever you decide about an activity, ask yourself “Will this add serenity to my life or will it add stress?”
Avoid anything that adds stress.
Enjoy your new life and live in the tranquility of peace. You’re heading in a new direction, and it’s going to be good.
Many of us will experience trust issues as we Start Over Single.
A man has hurt us, so it is easy to assume other men will do the same. And of course, we need to be careful about beginning any relationship that isn’t safe. Check out this resource: Safe People
We cannot blame all men because of the failure of a few, and we cannot blame all church leaders because of the abuse of some.
This is the time to build our hearts toward a new and smarter level of trust. Being able to recognize the truth will help us as well as being proactive with current relationships.
Before you get serious about another relationship, check him out. Websites will help you determine if he is a sex predator, if he has been arrested for domestic violence or driving under the influence. In the Kansas City area, here’s an important website for background checks: www.jococourts.org.
By this time, you also know which of your former friends have proven to be toxic. They may have decided to abandon you, and it still hurts.
But now you know the truth about who they are. So don’t let that truth scar you or isolate you against future relationships.
Get involved with a different group of people. Take a craft class or renew your membership to a fitness program. Call another woman who is Starting Over Single and go to a movie together.
Begin to trust someone else and build on the truth.
It may be difficult to find another church you can trust, but many good churches still exist and many church leaders are NOT spiritual abusers. Check out their websites for programs involving single women or single moms. Then start visiting.
In most churches, you’ll find some great people. They may believe a bit differently than you, but you are changing, too. Perhaps God has an entirely new spiritual family for you.
Move forward with joy as you examine the truth and live a more tranquil life. Then learn to trust your own instincts and find others you can connect with to build trusting relationships.
How have you learned to trust again?
©2016 Starting Over Single